Distractions
by MissMarauder5
Summary: James, much to Lily’s surprise, gives her a notebook as a birthday present. Somewhat disappointed, Lily shoves it into her book bag. However, not until it disrupts her History of Magic lesson, does she realise that it isn’t just a notebook…
1. The Gift

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, and never will.

**Chapter 1: The gift…**

**----**

James gave me a notebook for my birthday. A notebook. I know! A stupid, sodding notebook. Not that I care, really. I hate Potter. And just because I was expecting something perhaps a tiny bit more eloquent than a regular, spiral, lined-parchment notebook from Potter, it wasn't about to spoil my birthday. That's what I remember thinking when his piercing hazel eyes flashed into mine cheekily like they always do, when he gave it to me. And I'm sure he could guess my thoughts on the matter precisely. Though, he didn't seem all that disappointed. He just gave me one of those devilish grins of his and spun off with his best mates; Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Except what I didn't know, was that it wasn't just a notebook. It was another one of his "ingenious" (please notice the quotations) schemes to get me talking to him.

And do you know what the worse part of it all was?

It bloody worked.

Wanker.

**xxx**

"Hey, wotchya got there mate?" spoke Sirius casually and falling into step with James down the corridor.

"Lily's present," said James smiling and admiring the accomplishment in his hands.

Peter snorted. "Like that's going to do anything." 

James smirked. "You watch."

"Oh we will. Again. And again."

James looked at Sirius curiously. "We've got one of them muggle camborders," said Sirius triumphantly, shaking it as his hand was strapped to it. Remus rolled his eyes. 

"Brilliant film it'll be!" continued Sirius charismatically and flipping some of his shaggy black hair out of his mischevious, grey eyes. "But seriously, Prongsie, what makes you think she'll even look at you? She doesn't say one word to you if she can help it. And you know it."

"Which makes the present even more perfect," nodded James, grinning, and not caring to elaborate.

Remus rolled his eyes once again and waited along with Sirius and Peter in silence. "Gonna tell us what it is?" 

"Nope, you'll find out in…about five seconds," said James quickly eyeing Lily walking towards them in the corridor with her friends. He quickly shoved a hand through his hair nervously. 

James gathered up a bit more speed to his pace to stop in front of Lily, causing Sirius, Remus, and Peter to jog to catch up. 

"Hi, James," said Dorothy smiling brightly, next to Lily, who was looking away at the portrait of Madam Hemingway uninterestedly and trying to ignore the face that was straight in front of her.

"Hey, Dorth," said James, "—er…um…Happy Birthday, Evans," said James uncertainly.

Lily, having her arms crossed, continued to look away as if she hadn't heard him and as if she wasn't at all aware he was standing a foot away from her. 

James cleared his throat as he looked nervously to Remus and Sirius, who incidentally, had thankfully forgotten to start recording, and continued, "err—I haven't entirely mastered the whole art of wrapping paper thing," James gave a forced laugh, "...but it was the best I could do."

Dorothy nudged Lily, who turned grudgingly to James' outstretched hand. Lily had a determined scowl on her features, which softened slightly, as she looked at the present with a large red bow in his hand and then at his face. His hazel eyes shined brightly and his lips became a crooked smile when Lily's gaze was finally on him. She took this brief instant to study him.

His jet-black hair was dishevelled quite a bit, and it suited him superbly. He had always been a lanky, skinny kid, and just a bit taller than herself. However, the James Potter in front of her now had filled out to more muscle and had grown at least six inches over the summer. She acknowledged this as she had to actually look up to meet his eyes; which were at the current time, peering at her through his same old wire-rimmed glasses. It seemed as though those were the only things about him that had remained exactly the same. Except the way the glasses now rested on the bridge of his nose, it was as if it gave him a professional look.

Though, with his relaxed attire, shirt tale untucked, unbuttoned buttons, and his long sleeves rolled up to his forearm, it instantly betrayed the conservatory appearance. In fact, he looked quite the opposite; with an easy and rebellious 'I-don't-care' attitude about him. His now broader shoulders became apparent through his button down shirt, as well as his abdominal muscles. His former, younger and more child-like cheeks, had flourished into a strong masculine jaw line, enhancing his features even more. His hazel eyes were gorgeous, as always, sparkling and complimenting his dark-black eyelashes.

Of course, he wasn't the only one to have abruptly changed in appearance. She herself had as well, and giving a glance at the marauders, she noted that they had either grown tremendously, or become even more pleasing to the human eye since the past several months.

Lily eyed James suspiciously before taking the gift from him hesitantly. After all, this was James she was accepting a gift from. The arrogant, Mr.-likes-to-make-my-life-hell-and-dye-my-hair-pink Potter we're talking about.

She felt his gaze upon her as she began unsealing the cello tape and taking off the bow. And it seemed that the rest of his friends were staring at her with just as much anticipation…for some odd reason. She took the object out of the wrapping paper, looked up at James' expectant face, and then back at the present.

_"What the hell? Is this some kind of lame joke"_

"Wow—er…thanks for the notebook, um, Potter," said Lily, with a slight disappointment in her voice that had not escaped James' ear in the slightest. There in her hands, was the exact same notebook that she had purchased from Flourish and Blotts when she was shopping for the rest of her school supplies, and he knew it! He was (unfortunately) there when she had purchased it. She didn't fail to notice the incredulous and half-amused looks Remus and Sirius were trying to give James from the corner of her eye either. "It's really….quite…er—thoughtful of you."

_"This sucks. I can't tell him off for the rude joke because..well because it might not even be a joke! That and it would appear ungrateful. I mean he did remember my birthday after all..."_

James smirked.

_"I bet he knows this exactly. Stupid arse."_

James only smiled and nodded as his stunning hazel eyes glittered in mischief. Lily proceeded to put it in her messenger bag and give them a small smile as she nodded her head at them and signalled to Dorothy, who followed her as they walked passed them.

"What the blazing hell is wrong with you, Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius as soon as Lily was out of hearing distance, tossing his handsome black hair out of his eyes, completing the haughty yet carefree attractive quality about him. "I thought you were going to get her something nice! Like jewellery and that other crap women like!"

Remus laughed. "HA! Wonder if she's ever going to talk to you now!"

"I forgot. Were you trying to make her fancy you?" asked Peter. All four of the marauders walked in to their classroom.

"Mates, mates, mates, keep your knickers on wouldya? I know exactly what I'm doing."

Remus snorted. "Like that's going to help."

**xxx**

"Please be seated class," rang out their old History of Magic Professor, Mr. Binns. "Today we will be discussing the 'troll' movement across the alps and into France as the giants…"

"Psst, Lily," said Dorothy next to her. Lily didn't reply, but what completely focused on the lecture.

"LILY!" whispered Dororthy slightly louder.

"What!" whispered Lily still not taking her eyes off the black board.

_"It's a common known fact I don't like to be disturbed while taking notes! Why does she insist!"_

"Your bag is glowing!"

Lily only half-heard her and rolled her eyes while flapping her hand in the air. "Not now, Dor."

"NO, I'm serious! You're bag…"

Lily looked at her bag, and her eyes widened as she saw that it was indeed, glowing. She pulled open her bag and rummaged through it to find whatever it was that was causing the red light to emit from her bag. At first she thought it had been her wand, but she knew her wand was on her desk, even though she didn't need it for the class.

HA! She found the source—it had been the very same notebook James had given to her earlier that day. It's glowing was now brought into the open in front of her desk, and therefore catching the attention of many onlookers.

Panicking slightly, Lily tried to somehow hide the book before the Professor could see it. She tried hiding it in her cloak (as it should have drained the light with the black material), and even sat on top of it, but the light was so strong that it still managed to be as conspicuous as ever.

"Try opening it," whispered Dorothy, edging closer to Lily on her stool and eyeing the teacher and Lily.

Lily hesitated a bit before opening. But to her relief, it worked. The notebook stopped glowing. Then, leaning in slightly, Lily gasped as she saw words appearing on the first page of the notebook.

**Hey there, sexy!**

Bet you weren't expecting this out of my present were you? That's okay though. You can thank me later. You didn't honestly think I'd just give you a regular spiraled notebook did you? Oh, Lily, you have much to learn. Ha. But the look in your eyes was priceless, I HAVE to say. _"What a prick."_

**By the way, I highly endorse your neglect to buy a new skirt over the holidays…your older, shorter one definitely suites my taste.** Lily bent her head down with a slight tinge to her cheeks and made a mental note to buy a new skirt first thing when they had their first Hogsmeade trip. She kept on reading.   
**So how's your birthday been going so far? Good, I hope? I have more surprises for you you'll be pleased to know! But I'm not telling you as of now, because as I already mentioned, it's a surprise, and knowing you, you're probably going be asking me what the surprise when you write back.** Lily's eyes widened. That was exactly what she was going to ask him._"But who says I'm writing back?"_** And I know you'll write back, you have no choice I'm afraid. Sorry, love. Scary isn't it? How well I know you, eh Evans?**_ "Damn right it is. Except for the fact that I'm still not writing anything back. _

**Love,  
James, J-man, Jamster, or only for you Red, Jamie. **

Lily scowled as she reread the scrawly, messy handwriting on her parchment in front of her, and turned around to look into the eyes of a hazel eyed young man from the back of the classroom. That respective young man grinned and winked at Lily attractively with his hand resting on a similar notebook to Lily's. Other Seventh Year girls watched James and his interaction with Lily avidly.

Lily clenched her teeth and turned around back at the parchment, not noticing the jealous looks the female students were throwing at her.

Lily closed the notebook in front of her, about to act upon her idea to ignore it entirely and to pay attention to Professor Bins even though she knew all the history already and even though no one else was listening to the lecture. Though as soon as she did, she instantly regretted it as the notebook flashed even more brilliantly than it did before. Anxiously, Lily opened it again before the Professor could notice.

Lily looked at the parchment not sure what she should do.

Then Lily smiled as she realised that it wouldn't glow if it was open.

_"Stupid Potter,"_ thought Lily grinning as she put her History of Magic textbook on top of the notebook, only to find that it began glowing again two minutes later after trying to pay attention. She frowned and reopened it.

**Did I mention that it won't stop glowing when it's closed and eventually open if you don't answer me?**

-shnookums

Lily inwardly growled. _"I can't believe I'm doing this…"_ She softly lifted her quill above the parchment and pressed the quill to the parchment firmly, and hastily began writing.

Her neat, slanted handwriting began its way across the parchment: 

**_Potter…._**

---

And from the back of the class, the young man with hazel eyes smiled as he saw the red-haired beauty scribbling ferociously, to who he knew was himself. 

Leaning backwards casually on his chair's two back legs and putting his hands behind his head, he grinned in bliss at his handiwork.

Not even caring that the teacher was telling him off for leaning back in his chair.

"Brilliant. Completely brilliant."

----  
**A/N**: like it? Hate it? Hopefully the first!

Please REVIEW!

-MissMarauder5

P.S. Oh, and for those of you waiting for "The Year Everything Changed", it should be posted fairly soon! I've also posted forums in my profile page if anyone's interested!


	2. The First Signs of Addiction

**Chapter 2: The first signs of addiction…  
**

* * *

Okay so you know how you can like start eating carrots to snack on, even though you're not really hungry, but because Petunia who's a fat cow ate all the good food from our kitchen pantry so there's no more food left you've resorted to eating carrots? And then even though you really can't stand to eat anymore carrots, you still just sort of keep ingesting it like some sort of squirrel chipping away at an acorn? Well let's just say that James is my carrot/acorn…. 

I mean, it's not like I'm biting him, or anything…it's more of a figurative sort of situation.

Do you think carrots are induced with some sort of addictive chemical? I mean, why else would people eat carrots? They're not particularly that tasty. And say that they were induced, wouldn't that explain why rabbits are…well for a more polite term, why they're excessively "active"?

So I bet you're wondering what I sent in reply to our dearest Mr. Potter, while I've been "listening" to Mr. Binns, eh? Well fine, I suppose if you must know. But I advise you out of your own discretion. I can never control _what_ Potter might do or say… the idiot.

xxx

_**Potter, **_

_**My birthday is fine. **_

_**The next time you see me, I will have a new skirt. **(I'm not really sure why I said that..but I suppose it was good to add it in there anyway.)_

_**You don't really know me all that well and just because you've been to the same schools as me for six years doesn't mean anything. And I'm not going to answer back after this. I'd really like to pay attention so if you don't stop writing notes to me, I'll rip out your testicles. **(Hee..)_

**_Either way I still won't write back. If you're just that much less fortunate, oh well.._**

**_With the warmest regards, _**

**_Evans. _**

Short and to the point.

I really ought to congratulate myself. I mean, that note is _flawless_. It's got it all. My usual threats, my rebuttal against his cocky remarks, and even better, I've maintained parallelism in short phrases, sticking with last names.

Yeah, Yeah, ok. So _maybe_ it was a tad…harsh.

I better stop grinning. Dorothy may start to get worried…

---

**My lovely Lily, **

**If anyone were to go near my testicles, I'd want it to be you.****So thank you for that offer (I might just hold you to that!). **_EW!!! Ewwwww!!!! Mental images! Gross! _

_This is sadism! The complete and unabridged definition of sadism. _

_Unbelievable. _

_He's worse than I thought! He's a not just an idiot, no. Tut tut tut, Lily. How, oh HOW naïve and silly you are to think so, Lily._

_ You should be humiliated. _

_Why didn't I see this before? He's a freaking sadistic idiot. What, I ask you, WHAT, could be worse than a sadistic moron?! _

_Huh!?_

_I mean, it's like he doesn't even know he's cruel! I mean, please. If you're going to enjoy torturing others, at least have the decency to recognise it! Oh well, I guess I should carry on (i.e. brace myself)...  
_

…**And on the note of your skirt, I completely and utterly agree. I mean sure it's fine and amazing to see you dressed in such a manner, but really, I'd rather not have to punch any other guy's head into the wall and deal with the repercussions later because they were looking at you. And are you telling me that you, Lily Evans, aren't curious to what I am planning, for the first time in our relationship?**

**-JP**

**---**

Oh where, oh where to begin? How about I'll say that I'd rather stick a fork through his skull…not that _I'm _sadistic or anything. Hmm..but what if one of his mateys read this? I hear that type of behaviour can be frowned upon…

_**Potter.**_

**_THAT IS DISTURBING! There is NO WAY I'd ever…you know. And it would be none of your business if someone was looking at me. _**

_**p.s. I'm not curious. So there. **_

**_p.s.2 Please, Potter. What relationship. _**

_**-Evans**_

_--_

**So why did you answer back? Face it Evans, you want to know.  
p.s.. and you know. Our _relationship_. **

**-JP**

Oh God. Why _did_ I answer back? WHY, MERLIN, WHY?

_**Potter, I don't want to know, now leave me alone.  
P.s. and for the last time we do not have a relationship **_

What the hell is this? Some sort of disease? Just shut up, Lily! Before it gets worse.

--

**Evans, you could just not answer back…**

Hellooooooooo, glowing notebook!!! Maybe he won't respond anymore, then.

**_Fine then. I won't. _**

There. I just had to let him know that I wasn't answering back. You know. I wouldn't want to be impolite.

**But I can tell you want to know.**

Pshh. All my theories crash and burn.

_**I DON'T WANT TO KNOW**_

**I think you do**

_**I think I don't **_

**DO**

_**DON'T**_

**Then why'd you just reply?**

That's a good question.

**_Because you're saying something completely false and I have to correct you_.**  
_**-LE**_

**Correct me on what? Our relationship or the fact that you're not curious?  
-JP**

_**ARG…  
Both I guess. You know, you can be really irritating sometimes.**_  
**-LE**

**Or you just don't want to admit the fact that I'm possibly right.  
-JP**

**_Right about what?_**  
_**-LE**_

HA! I've figured it out! He's the perpetrator! CASTRATE HIM! Wait.. no. We had this conversation before, Lily … didn't go well. But still! HE'S THE DISEASE!

**About the fact that you actually like me and would rather talk to me than pay attention in class.  
-JP**

_**Potter. I'd rather drown myself in a pool of slugs than talk to you.  
-LE**_

Umm yahh, maybe that's a teeny bit better than the whole fork through the skull thing.

**Besides now you mean? Fine. Maybe this doesn't count as "talking" but I guess I'll just have to prove it to you then won't I?  
-JP**

**_I guess so. But I'll have to wish you luck. If you did know me at all, then you'd know I'm a stubborn person to try to convince._**  
_**-LE**_

**And you would know that I'm a stubborn person to stop.  
-JP**

Why do I find that mildly attractive?

_**Whatever.  
-LE**_

Ok. You know what? I don't care what he says next. I'm not going to reply. I'm just going ignore it. I don't care if everyone sees it. I don't care if it lights up the bloody room in red lights.

Screw it.

**Did you know that Binns is related to McGonagall?  
-JP**

WHAT!

_**What?! No way.  
-LE**_

Sorry. Just really fast…promise

**It's true. **

**_Please Potter. And you base this off of what, exactly?_**  
_**-LE**_

It's going to be something stupid. Just wait for it.

**If you tune out their voice, they both mouth "I eat-eat ba-nan-as, b, b, bananas."**

**-JP**

…

(This is my silence for dramatic effect).

**_Potter…..  
That is the stupidest thing you have ever said to me. Ever._**  
_**-LE**_

**Oh yeh? Well try it. Go on.**  
_-_**JP**

Lily looked at the Professor and tuned out his voice. Suddenly, giggles escaped Lily's mouth as she saw that quite ridiculously, the Professor seemed to be mouthing "Ba-nan-as"

Of course, the Professor didn't notice Lily's giggles, as his hearing was grandly impaired due to his extended period as a deceased being.

**See. Told you.**  
-**JP**

_**Yeah. Yeah. ** _

**Now lets play 20 questions. **

Is he like A.D.D. or something? Probably why he's so sadistic. Needs a hobby to occupy himself.

**_Now lets not. _**

**Aww come on Lils…**

_**No. **_

**Pleeeeeeeeeeease **

_**No. **_

**Ok, I'll go first. Hmmm…if you could be a teacher, who would you be?  
-JP**

**_Filch. That way I can punish you without getting in trouble for it. _**

_**-LE**_

God, I am so witty sometimes. And that was in NO way sadistic. He deserves it. That and it may be slightly fun to watch..not that I derive pleasure from it.

--

**So you can punish me, eh? **

**That's sexy. **

**I like the way you think. **

-**JP**

**--**

_**ARGG POTTER! Stop saying things like that! Ewwww. That's not what I meant and you know it!**_

**--**

**Please, Lily. There's no need to lie, I can see right through them, ya know. And I know you liked that. I'm a marauder. It's in the job description. Just admit it so we can stop with this whole game…unless, of course, you like being chased…**

_**What's in the job description? Being cocky?**_

--

**Don't change the subject.**

**-- **

**_I'm not. I'm just merely questioning what entitles becoming a marauder. _**

_--_

**Do you want to be one? Beca—AHHH you're doing it again. **

_--_

_**Doing what?**_

_-_

**Changing the subject!**

_--_

**_I can't have done! The subject was already changed the first time and had never reverted back to the original subject, therefore you can't change the subject if the subject has already been changed 2 times to begin with! _**

…

**Lily.…**

_**Yes. **_

**STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT! **

_**How about I just ask you the question. **_

**Fine. But you're changing the subject.**

**_Whatever. OKAY…so…who's your greatest fear?_**

_**­**_

**Don't really have one. It's mo-**

Oh, _please_.

_**Typical. **_

**What?**

_**OFCOURSE Potter doesn't fear anything. What was I thinking. **_

**Um. Yeah. You didn't let me finish. **

_**Oh.**_

**Like I was saying, I don't really fear anyone, but more of the absence of people I guess. Losing people I care about. And you?**

Wow. That was deep.

_**I guess it's kind of a combination. More like losing people I care about, failing and disappointing people I care about, and becoming what people I don't care much about judge me as.**_  
-**_LE_**

See, this is why I am a genius. I mean, there is no way he followed or understood that.

**What do people judge you as? I know you're not just talking about those idiots who are obsessed with blood purity. **

Damn. I stand corrected.

_**You do know that this is going to count as a question, don't you?  
-LE**_

James rolled his eyes.

**Fine, whatever. Just answer the question, Lily. **

Right now, all that James wanted, was to find out about Lily as much as she would allow him.

_**Fine. I guess it's just that…ok, well you know Petunia, right?  
-LE**_

**Your sister? Yeh. **

**_Well she sort of has the idea that because I'm I witch, it means that I could never fit in the muggle world and I'm not smart enough to. _**

James watched the parchment as words halted to appear as if she were thinking about something.

…**_She says that the whole "witch world" is for freaks who pretend to have status just because they're trying to make themselves feel important._**

**That's ridiculous! **

You're telling _me_.

_**I know. **_

**You've got to be the smartest person I've met! **

A sadist who compliments their victims?! Odd…

_**Um. Thanks. **_

…_**ok, you're turn.  
-LE**_

**Okay…favourite past time? **

"10 galleons says it's something school related," _thought James, smirking_.

HA. Easy one.

_**Reading.  
-LE**_

**Why am I not surprised?  
-JP**

_**Whatever Potter. And yours?  
-LE**_

Pshh..what a waste of a question.

**Quidditch.  
-JP**

Ya think?**  
**

**_Of course. And why am I NOT surprised. Atleast reading is intellectual and entertaining. _**  
_**-LE**_

**Well have you ever played it before?**  
-**JP**

_**No. **_

**Then I rest my case. You have no premise to judge. How would you like to come flying with me sometime?**  
_-_**JP **

_**I wouldn't.  
-LE**_

**Come on! Just as friends.  
-JP**

_**No.**_

**Come on.**

_**Maybe…**_

And I'm not really. That was just to shut him up.

**That's all I'm asking. Ok, um… if you had to name one time you felt attracted to me, when would it be?  
-JP**

UMM..now would be a good time not to reply Lily. DON'T REPLY!

_**What kind of question is that?! The answer to that one would be NEVER.  
-LE**_

Oh, good Merlin. Why do I even bother berating myself?

**Oh, come on Lily. I told you the other day about the time I was seven and went around running in cape.  
-JP**

_**Well you did that voluntarily. Or actually, Black did. And you tried to stop him.  
-LE**_

It's definitely a disease.

**Whatever. Merlin, Lily. You don't actually mean to tell me that you've never even thought about liking me.**  
-**JP **

_**That's exactly what I mean to tell you. **_

So maybe there is a use to this whole journal writing escapade.

**Ok, well was there ever any time that you may have not found me completely, 100 percent, utterly revolting?  
-JP**

Well when he puts it like that…

**_Ok, fine Potter. There was this one tiny time. But it isn't really a big deal._**  
_**-LE**_

**And…**

James was interested now._ Very_ interested. He felt his smooth quill rocking back and forth his hand in anticipation.

**_And. It was at the last match against Slytherin._**  
_**-LE**_

**And…**

**_And it was after the Quidditch match had just ended and you were walking across the pitch. _**

That was quite a view, actually.

**And…**

**_ANDD what ELSE do you want from me?_**  
_**-LE**_

**Well I was kinda hoping tha…**

James paused.

**..Wait a second. **

James grinned. And it wasn't just an ordinary grin. It was a truly, mischievous, sexy, and cunning grin.

**_Wha.._**(pen stopped writing and dropped on page)

Oh God. OH MY FREAKING—NO! This can not be happening. I can NOT believe I just told James that specific time.

This is not good.

This is really not good.

Oh, why Lily? WHY COULD YOU NOT pick another freaking time you thought James was attractive?! HUH? WHY? Because I'm so bloody thick, that's why!

**Wasn't that the time I had to take my shirt off because Macnair had ripped my shirt so much that it was falling of my shoulders?  
-JP**

**_err..well _**

Which translates into Lily language: hell yes, the shirt was falling off your muscular shoulders and I will never admit that you aresomewhatkindaattractive because then you'll develop an even bigger ego.

**And I was..**

James' words paused a second as though he was pondering.

Oh, God. Here it comes.

**..was covered in dirt because Sirius and I had done our victory dance in the dirt after we won? **

Lily winced.

_**Umm..I don't remember. **_

Yeah, Lily. Like that's convincing. Now he's going to go on and on about it, so all I will say is "Umm".

**Interesting. **

…

…

Any moment now.

….

What?! That's it?

Why isn't he saying anything else!?

**_What's interesting?_**  
_**-LE**_

Had I said that out loud, it would have been in a very high-pitched voice and very sudden after he said it. Thank God for writing.

**Um..well..nothing.**

Oh, no. He knows something I don't know! He's going to hold it against me! He's going to plot my death! He's going to induce all my carrots with poison! I'll never eat carrots as long as I live.

_**Spill it Potter. **_

James was smirking, Lily was sure of it.

**It's just that I never would have figured that our own Lily Evans liked her boys dirty and rugged...**

**Good for future reference…  
-JP**

_**I DON'T! **_

I could feel myself practically whimpering.

**And not to mention shirtless…**

_**POTTER! I completely forgot about that. You know that's not was I was implying. **_

Sort of..

**Right. So what you're saying is that you accidentally forgot that I was shirtless, and that's why you had like it, and now you're taking it back because you've remembered.  
-JP**

**_No! Potter. I didn't like you shirtless. I liked you very much with a shirt, thank you. _**

**Whatever you say Lily. **

Argg. The nerve of him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

I should tell him that.

I bet it would make me feel a lot better.

_**I hate you. **_

There. Wow. That did make me feel better. Hehe in your face, Potter.

James smirked.

**Whatever you say Lily. **

Damn him. SEE, SEE ::::(points finger hysterically):::: he's a FREAKING carrot inducer!

The bell rung piercing through the classroom and suddenly everyone started getting up and getting their things together.

Holy merlin. The bell. Did this really just happen? How the blazes did I just spend an entire 1:15 minute period talking with Potter?!

"Lily?"

Dorothy has a worried expression on her face.

Why? Is my face pale? Am I blushing? Do I have orange spots on my forehead due to the effects of the carrot disease?

"You seem a little flushed, Lily. Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"

"Flushed?" I asked as if it were a ridiculous accusation."Nah, no, nopers, I'm fantaistic, really!" I shook both fists up in the air on both sides of my body as if I were showing her how strong my muscles were, looking like a complete moron. "Well, tootles, Dor, I'll catch you on the flip side!"

Oh my God. (I'm now outside the classroom). I can not believe I just used the phrase "I'll catch you on the flip side".

Who says that? Seven year old girls constantly making peace signs with their fingers and saying things like "girl power" and pretending to be really cool even thought they're not, that's who. (i.e. me when I was seven).

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I said out loud to the now empty hallway.

"I dunno. What the hell _is _wrong with you?"

I recognised that voice.

Yup. It's James. What is he still doing here? Freaking stalking me? You see, that's just my luck. That's what happens to newly addictive journal writers.

I hate him. And now he's probably going to ask me to go with him to Hogsmeade.

"Give it up, Potter! I'm not going out with you!" I blurted.

Oh Merlin, Lily. Why do you have to be so stupid. He was probably going to just ask you for a quill or something.

Great. Now's he's smirking again.

Uh-oh. What's he doing? His eyes are mysteriously sparkling in the candle light of the hallway like they always do, except this time, with determination. He's walking towards me, taking slow strides, like hunter hunting its prey.

Oh God. I sound like a commentator of the discovery channel.

Ok, it's official. He's definitely too close for comfort.

I could feel a warm breath trickling in my ear and a minty scent issue forth from it after a few minutes.

Why does he feel the need to whisper?! Where the only ones here!

"Like I said, Lily…" he said in a deep and rogue, husky voice; with an air of confidence severely emphasising how much he's changed over the summer.

I felt my cheeks flush as he said my name and my heart rate quicken as I couldn't get the image of James Potter shirtless out of my head. Damn notebook.

"…I'm a _really _stubborn person to dissuade."

And with that, he took a step back and, from what I could deduce, began analysing my facial expression as if he were reading my mind. Whatever he read, he seemed to like it, as he is now giving me another one of his "handsome" crooked smirks. I hate his smirk. And not to mention his current irritating indifference.

Who does he think he is? Some sort of freaking Roman God personified?

Well..he sort of is. But that's not the point. The point is..um..the point it he's too sure for his own good.

And what's with the whole "the world can bite my ass" thing? Sure some girls think it's hot. Ok so maybe _all _girls think it's hot. I mean who doesn't think a rebel is hot? I mean a little danger is good, right? But Potter's just too…too full of himself. Right?

Like acorns.

They think they're so good cos all the squirrels fight for them.

Idiots.

"Lily?"

Oh. Apparently he's been trying to talk to me but all I've been doing is staring at him like a stupid zombie.

"Lily, do you..

This is it. He wants me to eat him so I will curl over and die from poison (while mentioning something or other about the Great Hall and eating and sitting on benches).

But back to being massacred. That is soooo not happening! Without another second, I yell. Cuz you know, it adds emphasis and stuff.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SQUIERREL-ATTRACTING, POISON INDUCED ACORN!"

And not a split second later I took off power-walking with the notebook tightly hugging my chest.

Not entirely sure what his facial expression was at the current moment. Probably one of confusion. Or one re-questioning his small infatuation with a psychotic-obsessive notebook replying- carrot-eater fanatic.

I know one thing is certain, though…

First thing when I get back to the Common Rooms, I am burning this stupid notebook…

**---**

**a/n: and done with the second chapter!! What do you guys think of this so far?! Reviews are greatly appreciated! **


	3. The WayToManyGrins of James Potter

**Chapter 3: The Way-Too-Many Grins of James Potter…**

* * *

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! OH MY FREAKING GOD! IT WON'T BURN! It's like FREAKING indestructible. A weapon used to kill me slowly via P.A. (a.k.a. Potter Acorns). Wait…I should probably refrain from using that blessed abbreviation…it might be read wrongly… 

Ok, so yeah. This journal won't freaking burn! I've tried ripping out pages, but they just keep reproducing. I've tried burning it, but it remains undeterred. I've THROWN IT OFF THE BLOODY ASTRONOMY TOWER and it won't get damaged!

Okay...so maybe the last one wasn't true, but the point is, I've tried basically everything. Well anything and everything that I've imagined doing to Potter's face at one point or another during/after being the pinnacle of his mockery and prankery. 'Kay, so maybe that last one's not a word. But I was in the flow of a mental rant and I like it and it sounds better and censoring the mind is just plain wrong.

And immoral. I mean the Nazis committed beyond horrendous acts in real life, but just imagine an army of mental-Nazis! A battalion of lined up thought-Nazis that invade your mind! And make you think of Potter! Eww not like that you bamf! Just of the way he makes me sick and how it's all his fault I have to find somebody to lend me notes from today's Muggle Studies!

Damn Potter. I bet you anything he's thought-Nazi. Or at least _was_ one in his past life. Damn Potter and his stupid intelligence. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

Sound familiar? Good. Cos you're going to be hearing it a lot.

**xxx**

Tuesday 7:26:34 A.M.

It's mocking me. I swear it is. It's looking at me with these beady little eyes. And it's bloody smirk. And saying '_Ha-ha you fell for that one pretty well, didn't ya?'_ And probing me with a pitch fork. Just in case you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to give off a satanic aura for the notebook, for when, perhaps, you're ever asked associate it with an unique quality or an adjective, you'll regard it as it truly is. And not as what the media of superficial evils in society will have you trust. Maybe you'll be saying "persecution" or "the encroachment on personal dignity" or better yet, "sadism." Ha. Yes. I haven't forgotten.

Yeah, and I'm not so sure why I'm logging this with day and time in my head. Maybe I am insane. Or maybe it's a self-preservation mechanism in the final hours before reaching ultimate insanity.

"You think you've had enough yet?" says a distant voice in the other world of sin.

"What? Oh." Apparently I've over-saturated my waffles with syrup and am reaching new capacities.

"Are you alright? You've been awfully quiet and you keep looking at that notebook and frowning."

"Yeah, I'm fine Dor, just a little irritated. Can you pass me the orange juice? Thanks."

"Listen Lily, I have a great idea that might just take you get your mind of Potter."

Potter is codename for irritation, in case you didn't know. They kind of sound alike too. The codenames, I mean.

_Po-tter. _

_Ir-ritation. _

See? I bet that wasn't even on purpose either. But people don't normally notice it. But I guess that's just some people.

"I'm listening."

"Okay, so I was thinking, we could go the lake with Alice and Emmeline after DADA and do our homework outside and make hot chocolate and prepare cookies for the first day of winter. It's really nice out, and I know how much you love it cold."

Lily smiled. "Sounds good."

Dorothy grinned, "Thought so. And we should probably leave our Divination textbook and Muggle Studies books at our dorms," she continued while eating some bacon. "We wouldn't want to have to lug that around all day..especially since we probably won't need them to--"

"Wait a second! What did you just say?"

Dorothy looked at Lily curiously.

"That we wouldn't have to carry them all day?"

"No, no, the other thing," said Lily ecstatically.

"We should probably leave our textbooks at our dorm?"

"Say it again!"

Dorothy's looking at me strangely.

"What's up, Lily?"

"Umm nothing, I'll see you in divinations, yeh?"

Dorothy nodded her lovely head of hers.

Bless her! I feel like crying from happiness! I think I _actually _feel a tear about to transpire. I feel so bubbly, I could kiss her! Have I ever said how beautiful and marvellous I think Dorothy is?

Give me a moment. Let me just take this in. Let me revel in this stupendous feeling. It's like I'm floating in an imaginary, unconscious world full of clouds and bunnies. Isn't life wonderful? Everything is just wonderful. I can even make a list of _how_ wonderful I think world really is right now.

These stony floors I'm stepping on are wonderful.

Not to mention these wonderful great big double doors as I exit the Great Hall.

The wonderful torchlight, lighting the way to the wonderful classrooms.

The wonderful boys ahead of me, talking amongst their wonderful friends.

The wonderfully warm cheek I just kissed on a wonderfully, random boy who is so wonderfully taller than me that I had to go on my tip-toes to kiss.

The wonderfully serene day shining at me through wonderfully big windows.

The wonderfully beautiful steps leading to the wonderful dormitory, where I plan on leaving a not-so-wonderful item.

**xxx**

James blinked.

James blinked again. Clears throat. "Huh?"

Sirius' mouth was semi-open and Remus and Peter were completely baffled.

"Yeah," agreed Sirius incoherently.

"What?" asked Remus.

"What about what?" said Sirius.

…(silence)…

"What?" asked Peter.

They're all delusional, James decided (himself included). There was no way Evans kissed him. No way in hell.

"So!" said James all of a sudden and continuing sarcastically, "Who's up for another class with Binns?"

Sirius barked with laughter. "Now i'n't he the bof!" (**a/n: **For all of you who aren't British, bof stands for 'boring old fart')

Remus grinned, "Not as much of one than Slughorn."

James smiled and put his arms over Remus and Sirius, who in turn put an arm around Peter. "Couldn't agree anymore…you bunch of bofs."

**xxx**

TUESDAY 8:53:03 A.M.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to officially announce that there is in fact, NO binding charm in this silly cretin of a notebook, and I have consequentially left it in my dormitory. That's right fellow neighbours, dim-witted Potter _forgot_ that I didn't necessarily have to bring it to class. Heh. stupid wanker.

--

Lily, grinning at her own ingenuity (and that of Dorothy, bless her heart!), sat down contently at the second table to the front and got out her quills and parchments and neatly aligned them on the desk.

"Hey Lils," said a calm voice near her.

"Hey Potter," said Lily semi-distractedly, while getting her transfiguration perfectly beside her papers. Comprehension dawned and Lily's eyes widened as James dropped his messenger bag carelessly beside the chair next to hers.

"Ja-Potter! Wait!" whispered Lily frantically panicking and look at lunging over the desk as if it would somehow impede James. _Ha. That's almost funny. Fat chance_. "What do you think you're doing!?"

"Sitting down," replied James easily, his intoxicating cologne lingering in Lily's close vicinity. Lily immediately retreated.

"No! I mean why aren't you back there with Black and the others?" questioned Lily urgently, hastily looking around to see anyone else was noticing.

James began smirking while eyeing Lily curiously. "Just felt like it, why do you care?"

Lily ignored his question completely. "But-But, aren't-don't you hate sitting in front? You have to pay attention and stuff. And it would ruin your reputation!"

"I didn't know you cared so much, Lils," teased James with a devilish grin.

Lily narrowed her eyes at his face. He knew she had purposely left the notebook in her dorm.

_Yes, he knew how to play his cards well._

She scowled and was about to offer a retort until the Professor spoke up.

"I believe we left off at the meaning of climate in predicting happiness, am I correct?"

The class groaned a 'yes' in response.

"Good, good, and I'd like to begin talking abou—

_Is he actually paying attention? And why is he always grinning, huh? Just resting his hands on the stupid parchment, leaning back in his stupid chair. _

"…But you know that by now! (Class laughs) Think more of the exact and intricate tasks required of—

_Focus, Lily. Just ignore him._ "But of course the sun's rays are the prime ingredient in.."

_He has a freckle on his jaw line. It kinda gives him a slightly appealing innocence..I mean you know. In –ahem--a twisted, really unattractive sort of way. _

_I really shouldn't be looking at my face, he'll probably…oh crap. Great. He's noticed. And now he's smirking at me. _

Lily diverted her eyes to her parchment and felt his gaze lift from her and back to the teacher.

James' arms stretched above his head as he gave a small yawn, and his clean, minty breath tickled Lily's ear.

Lily clenched her lips shut to keep from giggling and made a sound halfway from a squeak to a giggle, that was only heard by James. James curiously looked at her and landed back down on both feet.

_He has pretty bad handwriting, though. How I managed to read his handwriting when he sent me messages in that journal is beyond me!_

Vaguely aware of the fact that his leg was now touching her own daintier one, made her curiously blush as she saw him playing with the jet-black hair just above his ear.

And what was even more ludicrous than her flushed cheeks, was that he appeared to be ignoring her completely! And was actually focused on what the teacher was saying! He wasn't even passing notes to Sirius for heaven's sake!

_Hmm..I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses. And if his hair looks like that naturally or if he needs to work on it for like an hour every morning to make it look that way. _

James' quill ran out of ink, and instead of getting up, he reached across Lily so that Lily was forced to get a nice whiff of his cologne and view of his back.

_I swear. I'm going to crack. Breathe, Lily, just breathe. _

_Bad idea, BAD IDEA! Don't breathe!_

_Why'd he smell so good, anyways? _

_Merlin, what the hell is his problem! _

"OK! Now, class, pair up with the person sitting next to you and try the eye-reader at the back of the book and record you results! Emotions, and all!"

_What?! What eyereader?! Damn James. It's all his fault. Now he's going to think I wasn't paying attention cos I was paying attention to him or something._

James turned his chair slightly to face Lily without straining his neck. "You want to go first, or shall I?"

_How the hell am I supposed to go? How on earth could he be paying attention? _

"Err.. you can go."

"'kay," James said indifferently.

James looked into Lily's green eyes, so intent on searching for the certain characteristics in their list. Lily on the other hand, swallowed hard at being this close to his face and looking into his well-known gorgeous eyes. They were the most stunning shade of hazel under his dark lashes that to look at them, and their perfect size, made Lily quite mystified and entranced—in a truly platonic sense, of course.

Just by looking at them, you'd think you could tell exactly what his emotions were. But you can't. To Lily, quite disturbingly, he seemed completely indifferent with the fact that had he been this close to her last year, he probably would have tried kissing her. But now, his eyes quite frankly stated that he could care less and would really like to get this class over with. Well, it was clear to her, in any sense. And that was it. No cocky look at all.

Suddenly, James finished writing his observations and put down his quill.

"What? You're done?"

James smirked. "You're not that hard to read, Evans."

"How so?"

James shrugged and closed his notebook. "You're just...not."

_What hell is THAT supposed to mean?_

Lily waited expectantly. "Well?" asked Lily indignantly.

"Well, what?" replied James uninterestedly and stuffing his books into his rucksack.

"What did you see, you nitwit!"

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" he replied in the midst of potential grin.

"Yes, I would! Now tell me!"

The bell rung and James slid the strap on his shoulder and began leaving. "Hmm..maybe later."

_What the fuck!_

"Potter! What did you see?" Lily caught up with James and was attempting to keep up with him.

James turned around and smirked. "Why do you care so much?"

_He's said that like fifty times today! Does he know no other phrase?_

"Because! Well…"

James smirked.

"Because I just do, okay! You make it sound as if I had a big secret or something that you now know about!"

James' sexy smirk became wider.

And then he merely turned around, and called out, "I'll see you later, Evans."

**xxx**

James emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist and shook some of the water off his hair. It was just after shaking his head, that he saw a red glow coming out of his rucksack, which incidentally, was hanging on his bedpost.

Smiling to himself, he walked into his closet, got dressed and jumped onto his bed and got out the notebook.

_**I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you don't tell me what you saw, I'll rip off your bloody head. **_

_**-LE**_

James smirked.

**Oh really? And just what happened to my "bloody testicles?"**

**-JP**

_**They got lost in transit.**_

**Ahh, I see. Well, considering I'm suffering from all this blood loss, I imagine that I am exempt from further questioning. You know, Evans, you surprise me sometimes.**

_**Not really. And how so?**_

**Well for one thing, you actually initiated a conversation with me, and second, you did it using the journal I gave you—the one you're so adamant about ignoring. **

_**Well I think a good question is why you won't tell me what you saw. **_

**I think an even better question is what secret you think I know that you, very evidently, don't want me to find out. **

"Hey Prongs, whatcha doin'?"

"Huh? Not now Sirius. I'm busy." James continued writing, smiling at the page, and then writing again.

Sirius looked at the notebook suspiciously. There was no way he was having this much fun with a stupid notebook.

Sirius casually strode next to James and when James looked up at the wall in thought, Sirius snatched the notebook.

"HEY! Padfoot. Give it back!"

"Nah ah ah," said Padfoot putting the notebook behind his back as James lunged for it. "I just want to see what you're really doing. And with my good luck, it'll be porn."

Sirius opened it in surprise and began reading.

James looked at him irately in stern defeat. "Don't you have to do your homework, or something?"

"Nope," Sirius mumbled while reading, "I can't be arsed." James rolled his eyes.

After reading several lines, Sirius looked up at James in compete seriousness. "Mate. Are you writing to yourself?"

"Of course not, you prick. That handwriting is Lily's."

Sirius looked keenly in panic now. "Oh Merlin, it's worse," he said in a deathly serious voice.

James rolled his eyes.

"You've resorted to writing to an imaginary Lily!"

James clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.

"NO. I'm telling you, mate. That _is _Lily."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. It was the birthday present."

"OoOoh I want to write something!"

"Padfoot, no!"

**_So WHAT are you wearing right now? Something skimpy, right? Lace, perhaps?_**

"What?!? Padfoot! I'd never say something like that!" James lunged for the notebook, but unfortunately acquiesced to his failed attempt.

Sirius grinned mischievously and then gave a look as if to say 'Please. Has your brain been decapitated lately?'

**Black?!**

"HA! She saw right through that, mate."

Sirius looked crestfallen, "But how?"

**Hello?**

_**Hey Lilybily**_

**Definitely Black. **

_**So care to answer my question?**_

**Not really. **

"She sooo is, Prongs!"

James had nearly decided to pronounce strong disapproval to what is friend was doing. Until he gave in and looking at Sirius hopefully.

"Ya think so?"

"Know so. I mean," Sirius popped a chocolate frog in his mouth, "wry else wroud she denige irt?"

"Good point. Hey! Here's an idea. Can I talk to Lily pretending to be you?"

"Sure whatever. Just don't say anything too clean or barking, yeah? She'll know it's not me."

"Yeah, all right."

**So you're wearing something skimpy right?**

_**Black. We're not having this conversation.**_

**Why? If you won't tell me, it's probably cos you are. **

_**Well I guess you'll never find out, now will you. **_

"Shit, mate! She is!!!" yelled James ecstatically.

"What? Let me see!" said Sirius grabbing the notebook. James eagerly watched his reaction for the verdict.

"We _need_ to get to the girls' dorm. Pronto."

James grinned. "Hold on a sec."

**So what do ya think of Prongs?**

_**He needs a good dose of ego deflating, why?**_

"Do not!"

**Well besides that, he hasn't done anything bad on your birthday, has he?**

_**Why do you care so much?**_

**We're good mates, Lily. **

_**This is Potter, isn't it?**_

"When did she get so bloody smart?" complained James.

Sirius grinned. "Apparently she's always been..seeing as she hasn't dated you and all.."

James through a pillow hard at Sirius' face.

_**Whatever Potter, I'm going to sleep.**_

_**-LP**_

…

**Erm..**

**Who's LP, love?**

**-JP**

Damn it.

Does he know? Nah, he's too stupid.

**Ohhh. **

Damn it.

**Sweet dreams, gorgeous. **

Wait for it..

**Or wait, aren't we supposed to be sharing a bed?**

Bastard.

_**Goodnight, Potter.**_

**Now, now, no hostilities now. We would want to go to sleep _angry_.**

Tomorrow, you are going to be dead.

_**I said goodnight, Potter.**_

**Ok, ok, but can I ask you a quick one. **

Lily growled.

_**What is it, Potter.**_

**Can you move over to the left a little? You're sort of on my side of the bed. **

…(slight pause)..

**_Go to hell. _**

**So… does that mean no strip tease tonight?**

…

**_You have no idea how much I hate you right now._**

**It's all apart of marriage, love. **

…(slight pause)..

**What? Speechless? I tend to do that to people. Or how about breathless? I tend to cause that too…**

What a sick, sick mind.

Yep—there's no doubt about it this time. James Potter is _definitely_ grinning.

* * *

**A/n: How was this chapter? Thanks to all of you who left very kind reviews last chapter! It was definitely an encouragement to write more!**


	4. The Niceties of Sedentary Particles and

**Chapter 4: The Niceties of Sedentary Particles and Pelvic Thrusts**

* * *

"Bored.

_Really_ bored."

"Potter."

"Boring…

Boredom."

"POTTER!" I turned around in my chair quickly and gave him massive evils.

He still looks pleased. For some stupid reason. God, he's such an idiot.

He smoothly let his chair's front legs fall forward in an annoyingly relaxed way, "My darling?"

He even winked at me.

Seriously. He's just _trying_ to provoke me. He is so immature.

"Lily, stop that. Sticking out your tongue is for first years." Dorothy intervened, disapprovingly.

"It's not my fault he's an idiot with idiotic friends."

James grinned coyly. " Don't you worry Dory, Lilian here is just feeling a teensy extra hormonal today." His hazel eyes exuded mischief, as usual.

Winking directly at me again, "…which isn't surprising…if last night was anything to go—

"Potter, shut up. Stop being a prat and leave her alone. And stop irritating the rest of us."

Let the gods bow down to Dorothy Roberts.

Let the earth quiver with awe at her sight! Let the waters shake beneath her.

Let rice fall from the heavens!

"And Lily, stop flirting."

Let a great big hairy octopus eat her.

"What." I said, outraged.

"_Some_ of us actually want to listen in class." I rolled my eyes.

This is divination, mate. No one 'wants' to 'listen' to anything.

And besides, I, on the other hand, am infinitely more interesting. Take this as an example. As an adolescent, I have truly learned some remarkable things.

Like did you know that a taste bud's lifespan is ten days? I mean, how cool is that!?

It's true. After that they break free from the epiglottis they become their own buds.

Let our buddies go…

I wonder what happens to them. Like do they just roll off? Or do you ingest it with your comestibles?

But take that example, for example. It just proves how great my analogies are. We, in essence, are the taste buds of life. I am a taste bud. Dorothy is a taste bud. Arthur is a taste bud. Alice is a taste bud. Potter, tragically is a tasteless bud; burned by the other buds. In fact, he'll probably roll off first. I'll let Remus off. But anyway that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make here is that we are as a race, trapped. Yes, trapped on a world I like to call the epiglottis. But for the sake of my analogy; the Divination classroom...

I guess Potter does have a point though. This class is mind-numbingly boring.

And not to mention completely pointless.

Yeah, about that. Let me ask you: who the hell actually cares why a bobotuber plant, which apparently may uncontrollably reproduce a spongy green material, can predict future tragedies? Huh? It's probably all bollocks anyway. So just don't buy the bleeding plant! Snaps fingers. Hell, yes.

And if it were up to me, we'd just have Potions, Charms and Defense.

And I'm not just being bias. Let's move away from the fact that they're my best subjects and get to the root of the issue at hand.

Who actually cares about all that other nonsense? All we need to be able to do, is defend ourselves from mindless, arrogant (and slightly intimidating) pricks like James Potter, concoct the most poisonous and vial fabrication for Potter's inducement, and when that doesn't work (i.e. his decease-ment, etcetera), be able to charm his naturally appealing facial structure into something that heavily resembles wrinkly feet.

And presto.

The world is a happy place.

Bunnies and smart people.

Remember?

Just think of the possibilities.

I think I should write novel. For the Magical Board of Education. They could learn a lot from me. Me being a Savant and all.

Well…besides the fact that I don't _actually _have any deficits to balance out my genius. So basically I'm just absurdly intelligent. They'd probably want to run intelligence assessments on me. What with all the excitement of having a genius among them. And they'd probably run a lot of publicity on the matter.

People tell me that I'm unusually sarcastic. Which basically translates to witty. If that's not saying something, I don't know what is.

But in this topic, I find the need to address Potter as he is in the even more classified part of the spectrum. I like to call it, Idiot. See it starts out with just plain Genius. Then old Savants. Which are essentially geniuses who might lack intelligence in certain places. Then we have impolite intelligent people, whom are basically inept socially and other stuff like that. Then skip a few more classifications, and we arrive at the MOTHER of them all. Yes. The great kahooney. Yes, the Idiot. A state of intelligent so incredibly, magnificently idiotic, that despite the fact that a certain person can be a genius in every aspect of intellect possible, he _still _manages to be a complete and utter useless prat.

Amazing. I know. But this is POTTER, we're talk about. I mean, it's up there with _Captain_ of the Quidditch team. _Head Boy_ of Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry. _Most likely_ to enter Witch Weekly's fit male of the month. Top transfigurer of our year. Blah blah and most importantly, the village idiot.

Bless. Who wouldn't want him.

Someone just threw a balled up parchment at my head.

Okay, so I feel I should be completely honest with you.

And another one. That's it. I'm turning around.

"Sorry Evans, I was trying for the bin." Sirius said before snorting. The marauders broke out into a round of giggles.

As I was saying, I have a really sound mind and conscience. I'm calm and I'm logical. And I'm reasonably moral when confronted with difficult tasks.

Another hit at the head.

"Black, I swear. I will rip out your appendages."

I should probably start charging for it on ebay or something. First bidders—the most desperate; Potter or Black.

Another one again. Except this time it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Just bloody brilliant. The notebook. Of course.

150 quid sounds fair.

xxx

**Hey Evans, we have to stop meeting like this. **

**People are starting to talk. **

Rolls eyes

_**Potter. Shut up and stop being stupid. I'm trying to listen.**_

**I'm wondering if this is going to start being your standard greeting from now on. "Shut up, I'm trying to listen." And **_**really**_**, Evans? Why would you want to listen to **_**him**_

_**Yeah, it's a new concept for you, I'm sure.**_

**Very. You know me well.**

_**No I don't. **_

**Come on, Evans. This is Potions. All this stuff you all ready know, can read in a textbook, or can just logically assume.**

_**Maybe for you. But I need to study and right now, pay attention. **_

**No. You don't need to study. You only **_**think**_** you do. See, that's your problem. You're probably better at Potions than I am. You just obsess way too much.**

_**No I don't. **_

**Yes, you do. **

_**No I don't.**_

**Fine then you obsess that you don't obsess.**

_**No I don't. **_

**Yes you do. **

_**Potter.**_

**Yes?**

_**Shut up.**_

**Okayyyyy relax.**

**Lilyy Willyyyy**

_**WHAT. **_

**You look like you could do with a massage. **

_**Thanks for letting me know.**_

"I know something you could ask her." Sirius stole his notebook.

**I have a question. A good one. Now. Who in this classroom would you most want to kiss? And no fibbing.**

"Let me see it," James said taking it back. He smirked. "That'll do."

_**Please, Potter. For all that's holy. Tell me we're not doing 20 questions again. And do you even realise how intrusive your questions are? **_

**YehHH. I quite enjoyed the last one. **

**Now answer the question. **

_**Why?**_

**No reason really. Just curious. Intrigued. And mostly bored. Really bored. Really REALLY BORE—**

_**I don't know, Potter. Slughorn. **_

**He's old. **

_**Potter, Slughorn is very kissable. Don't insult my opinions. **_

**Evans. **

**How about Waller. He's somewhat of a 'catch' these days. **

_**Why does this even matter? **_

**Why won't you answer the question?**

"Five galleons says it's me."

James snorted, "You're on."

_**Because. It doesn't make a difference. You're basing the question on something entirely superficial. If I think he's the biggest prick in the world, no amount of attractive qualities will redeem him. **_

**Sooo…basically, as you won't properly answer my question, I'm assuming that your statement is applicable to someone in this room. And no one else fits your description on both accounts.**

Not again.

Damn it.

**So you do realise you've just essentially described your feelings towards me in a nutshell.**

_**Not necessarily. **_

**Which means only one thing. **

DAMNITDAMNITDAMNITDAMNIT

"Guess what, Sirius," James announced loudly.

I hate this stupid notebook.

xxx

My best freind just chucked my notebook at Black--who is making kissy noises at the back of the class.

And that, my friends, is why Dorothy will be a tastebud for a very long time.

xxx

You know, the library is a very nice place. It's calm. No one is allowed to talk, otherwise you get detention. And it's surrounded by the smell of books. I love that smell.

"It's interesting."

I blinked. How?

I hope he isn't bridging over to stalker..

I waited, expecting more. It didn't come. He was doing this on purpose, of course. He wanted me to ask him.

Grudgingly, without looking up from the book, "What's interesting?" Besides your complete idiocy.

"Phoar. Are you usually this concentrated when reading about plants?" I put the book down and gave him a look. "Sorry," he continued, snorting. He wasn't even remotely sorry, "Didn't want to distract you from something this important. I'll leave."

"What, that's it?"

"Yep."

No way in hell was that it. He was gloating. Just because he thinks I want to kiss him.

I scowled as he got up to leave, with an annoying grin on his face.

"Just because I think you're attractive, doesn't mean I like you, you know. Or want to..." I trailed, shuddering.

I thought it important to state the facts.

In case he gets confused.

James smirked, still standing up. "Of course not."

"Why are you smiling?" I asked.

"I am very disturbed."

"We know."

"No, I mean, you admitted you think I'm attractive," he stated simply. "Twice."

_Sing-song voice_. ….Men-tal Naaaaaa-zi

"Yeah, so what?"

Hmm..does this remind anyone of déjà vu?

"Well, if I'm not mistaken, you always told me very clearly that you were mostly repulsed by my very being."

"Yeah. So?"

"Even though you want to also secretly want to kiss me…"

"Pott—

"So, now I'm questioning your sincerity.

I glared.

"Do you want to go out with me?"

"No."

"Yeh. See. That didn't sound so credible. Usually you make a face, it goes red, you yell a bit, and then you stomp away showing off that cute little arse of yours. Now you're just getting sloppy."

Argh my mouth is twitching.. I…can't…help…it…

Great. I'm grinning at something James Potter said. And now he'd grinning back. Dummy.

"Right, thought you might like that I think that. See you around Evans."

Oh no you don't!

"Potter, get back here!"

I legged it to catch up with him in the hallway.

"Hiya Jamsie." The voice came from outside the Potions classroom.

Jamsie? Jamsie. Who is this girl? His name is James, you moron.

"Rachel," he nodded. He flashed a smile and rested his elbow on my shoulder as if I were one of those stupid gargoyles, "ready for double Defense?"

I am not a gargoyle. I have feelings.

His shoulder digged deeper.

Feelings of hatred.

I can't believe he's ignoring the fact that I'm right beside him.

Rachel laughed and was acting really eager towards him in my opinion, "if you're there to defend me…"

Oh good Merlin I think I'm going to puke now. Was she really that forward, flirting. If so, I may opt to shoot myself. 'Only if you're there to defend me.' Please. You're not helpless.

Well, on second thought, you're flirting with James..so maybe you are. Heh.

James winked at her.

Ew.

Okay, this is awkward. Not to mention gross. Time to roll off with the other buds, man. I'm out.

"Hey Lily! You're walking quite fast?"

I shrugged which would appear to have been 'moodily' to an onlooker.

Some things just come naturally.

I don't really so why I'm acting like I'm sulking, but it's making him confused so I think I like it. A nice new tactic, actually.

Moments of silence.

He nudged me. "Talk."

He actually thinks I care.

"What about? I've got stuff to do." You know, the fact he just basically ditched Rachel, is quite satisfying.

"_Stuff," _he repeated.

"Yeah, as in an agenda, a schedule, a programme." James raised his eyebrows. " I have a free. Now if you don't mind…"

Here's where I rationally tried to be polite and excuse myself, yet James, being (unfortunately) stronger than me, pulled me back.

He studied my face. And a grin formed at the edges of his mouth.

"Wait… Are you _actually_ being serious?" he said while flattening his raven black hair forward and then roughing it back up again. "Wow."

"What?" I snapped.

He put his hands behind his head and was grinning like a madman.

"You're jealous."

WHAT!

"Listen here, Potter." He was still smirking, which just made even more angry. " Just because, for some insane reason, other girls are deluded enough to think you're somewhat decent looking," he snorted at that and looked at me pointedly, " and _humble_ and actually care a horse's arse about them, doesn't mean we all do. And I for one am very happy I'm not one of them."

Potter was staring off into space pensively. And then he looked back at me.

"You know, I like you're way of flirting above every other. It's like mine. Exciting. Challenging."

"Okay see, I wasn't really sure before, but there's no use denying it now. You really need to see Healer at Mungos because I believe that, that's up there in the stupidest things I've ever heard you say."

"Jealous," he said crossing his arms, as if he apparently made up his mind.

"Why would I be jealous? I have no reason to. Besides," I pointed out, quite kindly, " that's disgusting."

I looked forward for awhile and kept walking. What. He's doing that smirking thing at me right now, and I don't really feel like being made fun of.

See, I can tell. When he side-glances me, he's waiting for me to look at him so he can say something cocky or stupid.

"You do realise you're about five minutes late to lessons."

"Aww Lily, you're cute." And with that he bent over and kissed my cheek and I felt a strong hand grip around my waist…almost as if we..shared others feelings…and not hatred..

Okay. That's it. No more misses mean Evans. All things fluffy in hell break loose. Right now.

I stopped walking and took a step back. "Potter. What. The hell."

And I'm not cute.

I hate being short. It makes me seem so…so well I can't really explain it. I guess easily manipulated? Which I'm not. And constantly patronised. Which I am. Especially by Potter.

"Part two of my pressie, my dear," he winked, not at all disconcerted by my, what I am pretty certain is my "I hate you and there's nothing you can do about it" look. Maybe he's immune. Maybe I should up the dose. Though, I'm pretty sure if I up the dose anymore he'd start giggling.

"Ugh, well you can have it back!" I exclaim throwing my hands up. Again, gestures are needed to get the point across.

"What? No I don't want it back! Here, take it back" he grinned and swooped down and kissed my other cheek. I could feel both of my cheeks burning.

All my nerves just shot up my cheeks in a split second.

Ho-ly Merlin.

"Get away from me!"

He's not doing anything. Just smirking at me, pointedly.

I gave him a death stare.

His white teeth flashed in a grin as he looked down on me. He checked the time. "Look at that. Seven minutes late, got to run."

He turned around and is finally walking away.

I really hate that guy.

xxx

"What happened now," said Alice startled.

Lily opened each drawer in the wardrobe and shoved it back in forcefully.

"I need you super dooper spacer thingy."

"Rightt," Dorothy gave Alice a look and pulled Lily out of the girls' dormitory.

Alice got it out of her trunk and threw it on Lily's bed and caught up with Lily and Dorothy. "So…why does Potter need to be kept at a minimum of five strides away from you at all times. And I mean a new reason that explains your current state."

"He's just a prat. Let leave it at that."

Lily started hopping from left to right, alternating feet.

"Which is why we're going on a walk," said Dorothy greeting the outdoors with a smile.

" …Lily…what are you doing?"

"Dodging bird poop, what does it look like."

"Lily…sweetie," said Alice gently.

"Hmm."

"You were fine earlier. Tell us what's the matter."

"Nothing. They're just everywhere. Dumb birds."

Alice sighed. "No, I mean, why do you look so preoccupied."

Lily looked up in midhop, "The usual…Severus…Potter…stress."

Hop.

Hop.

"You know what I think," said Dorothy.

"What," asked Alice.

"I think...Lily's IT," Dorothy tagged Lily and bolted.

"That was so childish," Alice stated wrinkling her forhead.

"You're IT." Lily got Alice's robe and took off.

Alice grinned.

xxx

"You know what, guys, you're right." Lily said suddenly, out of breath and lying down on the wet grass next Alice and Dorothy. "I shouldn't need a super dooper spacer thingy."

"Yeah.." replied Alice halfheartedly, half confused while handing her water.

Lily took a gulped some down. "I should confront my problems without feeling intimidated and not allow my physical well-being be jeopardised by unnecessary stress.

"Exactly," encouraged Alice.

"Thanks guys." And with that Lily got up and headed back up to the main grounds with new determination.

"Where is she going now?" demanded Dorothy.

"Like you even have to ask," muttered Alice smirking.

xxx

Potter was walking out of DADA with Harriet and two decently popular guys. I say decently because by popular I mean toad scum.

And by toad scum I mean witless, son of a bastard, moronic hyenas.

"Potter!" I said, with authority. God, I'm good.

"Evans," he sounded surprised.

Someone jumped him from behind shouting Quidditch. "Lay off, Stephens! I take orders from nobody," said James grinning in tones of mock anger.

And James hears the call of the wild. Beckoning him on.

"Well you better get away from Evans," one of the boys called out, grinning in an annoyingly confident way, "she'd suck the fun out of you before practice." The git started to make sucking sounds with his mouth while opening his eyes freakishly wide.

"A bit like a dementor to a bloke's soul," agreed the other boy poetically.

See, this is exactly what I'm taking about. I mean, what kind of witless analogy was that. Where's the epiglottis of life? Where was the cunning suspense. No where. That's where.

Harriet was laughing behind her fingers. She looks like a gerbil on caffeine.

I can get really emotional some times. I felt my eyes stupidly watering. This was ridiculous.

Where was my fire.

"Nah, impossible, mate," said James. He flipped tossed his scarf around his neck; the picture of an aristocrat.

Then (as if to prove one of his points) he opted at that moment to do a handstand with a single hand and flip over and land on both feet with a perfected ease. Even from his faces' profile and the way the light bounced off it, his face was overwhelmingly perfect and sculpted. "Too immature. right, Evans?"

But before James turned around, I decided it was a fantastic time to disappear.

xxx

"Maybe she's upset."

Sirius and James looked at Remus and then looked at each other.

James crossed his eyebrows and began thinking.

"James, are you really that thick when it comes to sensitivity?"

"Oy! I'm not insensitive." Then as an afterthought, "Just really masculine." James smiled, clearly pleased with himself.

Remus snorted. "Think about what Robinson said…"

James stared at Remus.

Remus was getting increasingly irritated.

"You think I should have defended her?" James' eyes widened.

"Finally he gets it," Remus said sarcastically.

"I wouldn't be so smart if I were you, mate. At least we didn't ask if 'grinding' at a party meant sitting down and what was it? Rubbing rocks together to form sedentary particles?" laughed Sirius.

Remus first scowled, but then smirked and looked behind him to make sure a group of people were there.

"Yeh, well at least I didn't automatically conclude that because the plural form of hippopotamus is hippopotami then the plural of penis must be—

"That was a one time mistake!" snapped Sirius, his voice cracking.

James sniggered and muttered, "when would you have to use that?"

Sirius wheeled around to James.

"And what are you laughing at!"

James sucked in his lips and put a poker face on. "Nothing, mate." But then gave a cheeky grin to Remus when Sirius looked away.

"Well that's besides the point!" said Sirius throwing his hands up. "The point is that…."

A momentary pause signaled to James that Sirius had no idea what to say.

" 'The Point' is his teeny little problem," mumbled Remus to James. James sniggered.

Sirius' eyes narrowed on Remus.

"..is that I'm just sick to death of this." And with that, Sirius left the room and slammed the door behind him.

Everything was silent for a few moments and James and Remus just looked at each other a split second, their mouths twitching into a grin, then there was a snort and the both of them began laughing hard.

"He…and then…thought…Peni…problem," Remus managed, hunched over with eyes watering until tears streaming down the corners of their eyes.

James mocked a Jamaican accent and made hip movements, " he has no, how you say, pelvik drust." And then began rolling on the carpeted floor in tears and choking from laughter.

I walked across the common rooms towards the girls' dormitories.

James was rolling around with the cords in his neck popping out, his face turning red, and Remus was practically crying and unable to breathe on the sofa.

I feel remarkably sorry for the poor woman that has to live with that.

* * *

Next chapter:

"Next week will be our camping trip! Something about it being in the Forbidden Forest! Keep in mind that revising would be a highly useful, blah blah blah seeing as you will not have a wand or any other devise to use magic. The person you team with may need you to become their eyes, ears and mouth in case of dire emergency, so you should all be attentive these last few lessons."

I am vaguely aware that Potter somewhere beside me is grinning with Black.

"This is your opportunity blah blah BLAH! You will be living how Muggles live! BLAH! I have posted the list of partners you will be teaming up with throughout the three days."

As soon as the bell rang, I walked over with everyone else to see who was partners with whom.

I looked at the list, and I felt my jaw drop.

_No. Fucking. Way. _

**Author's Note: I'm not so sure how I really felt about this chapter...but i enjoyed writing it! I really hope you enjoyed reading it.**

**xxx Miss Marauder 5**


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